Friday, November 13, 2009

Sexy Back a.k.a. Lagu JT tuu...

First and foremost, let's shout it out together: 

FREEDOM!!!  I'm BACK.  Yes, sexy's back[If you can't read it the first time, don't try to read it at all.]

Just like I promised, I'll be back blogging again in no time.  Today, I've got one of the hottest topics to discuss about.  Girls (sorry yea boys, but this could save the life of your girlfriend - I mean, she'll not be so miserable la...), we're gonna talk about our bodies!  
I love and hate this topic.   *sigh*

All my life, I dreamed about having a body like this: 

But nobody has a body like that (except maybe Jessica Alba?).  Lol. 

I am one of those girls who always got teased by their (jerky) guy friends who think that a girl's eyes grow on her chest.  You won't believe how generous these dudes are.  They've shared millions of tips with me on how to enhance the size of my "eyes".  

Here are some of the more famous ones: 
1. Drink papaya juice with milk.  I heard it's effective (if you want to lau sai and spend an entire day in the toilet). Lau sai means diarrheic in Hokkien. 

2. Maybe you should eat chicken breasts.  I heard they're good.  (Chickens are flat-chested too what) 

3. How about drinking soya milk? The last time you came back from your trip to KL, your "eyes" look bigger.  Do you think it's the soya milk? (Should I drink breast milk too? *rolled real eyes*) 

4. Or you could massage it.  Do you want me to help? Hehe. (Since I'm so flat-chested, do you think you know where the right spot is? *tempeleng the guy*) 

 Most of the time I'll just laugh and shrug it off.  But did you know that deep down in my heart I felt so embarrassed and hurt? Why did you guys talk about me as if I'm one of the dudes? I'm a lady la! *sulk and don't wanna "friend" them anymore*

But that was then.  Now... 
(if you're thinking I went for a boob job, no.  It's nothing like that.  This is even better.)

I found this (here)...






That's Keira Knightley.  The heroine of Pirates of the Carribean
The first picture is the original version while the second one has been digitally enhanced.  You see? You see!  Even one of the most famous Hollywood actress has a flat chest!  And men still find her sexy, ok.  I will not be intimidated anymore by your teasings.  For all you know, I could be a Hollywood actress too :p 

So, finished with the boobs, ada lagi... 
I always hated this: 
This still looks ok cos I was wearing jeans.  I love my jeans T_T

If not, it will look extra round and BIG like I just stuffed an entire bolster in there T_T  I can just forget about stuffing myself into this tiny skirt

But now I don't mind it that much because... hehe, jangan jeles.  

Wanna take a closer look?

Wahahaha.  Look how round and big her butt is? People even accuse her of tampering with it.  Now that I think about it, I should be proud right? It's an in thing.  So girls, be proud of your sexy backside :)

But when I think back about all the teasings I got back then...

Grandma: Eh, lu ae kacui siang ka na ang-kau-hia ae kacui anae... *went on about other people with similar butts* 
(Eh, you know, your butt looks like the red ant's derriere...)
Me: T_T 

Me: *complaining to Ma about my butt and accusing her for not inheriting her butt to me* 
Mama: Ma si beh an cua la... anae ma ka ho kua.  Mana ae sui na si bo shape eh... 
(It's ok la... looks good what.  You won't look half as good if you don't have any curve eh...)
Me: Tsk. 

When Mama teased Papa about his butt which is quite round and big for a man. 
Papa: Kabut kejiih lah daao.  Mun mayhor seluwer debei teruih luluih baai.  
(It's good that my butt is like this.  If my pants are loose, they won't fall down instantly.) 
Me: Apakah? 

My Papa and Mama converse in Melanau between themselves.  But they speak Hokkien to us kids.  Weird huh? Maybe it's their romantic language? Hehe.  

But I think it's more convenient to badmouth about us (kids).  Not that we didn't understand the language.  Just that they are so used to thinking that we are more Chinese than them.  Like this one time I caught them both talking about my sisters and I while happily sipping tea and I silently walked in on them...

Me: HA!  *this is me giving them a surprise* Cho mik lu nang mengumpat lang anae tua sia?  
(HA!  Why do you guys talk so loudly when badmouthing about people?) 
Papa: *Obviously shocked* Hey! Hamang ka lu anae ka tua lang kong ua? Wa nang teng pai tolok wu anae kuan ka wa nang ae pe bo kong ua.  
(Hey!  Who taught you to talk like that to an adult? During our time we didn't talk to our parents in such a manner, you know.) 

Jawapan standard bapa saya.  

Me: *pretending not to have heard him* 
Mama: Eh... wa nang tolok wu kong lu nang ae pai ua.  Hile huan cai si wu ia ba.. 
(Eh.. who says we were badmouthing you guys? We were only stating the facts..)  
Me: *cis*

1NewMessages: Wait for my new updates about exciting things that happened while I was on a hiatus.  Huhu~


MISELnamapendek said...

Haha I have one post talkin about flat chest.

Intimidating when ur galfrens have it bigger but Keira Knightley saji naturally small. And she's still hot!

gloria the belangkas said...

wah, i like eva longaria

Gnet said...

Hey, guess what, I'm flat-chested too!!! HAHAHA
there i goes telling the whole world right? but i dont give a damn thing abt it tho choosing clothes might be a bit difficult.

a guy friend once told me, guys who like girls because of their 'eyes' are plain jerks. but those who doesnt, that's true love. coz he has a girlfriend, and the girlfriend is a flat-chested and his friends kept on asking him, why is he with her. his answer, "that's actually not the most important part on a girl. there's so much more in a girl than that"
hah. how's that? :)

and hey, that skirt is not that tiny la dear.
if you're 29 and below, can fit one.. :D :D

Mad Maureen said...

Mel, what did ma and pa talk about us huh??? I want to know. Why I never know? Huhu.. Eh, you don't put J-Lo's butt too here? lol..

mcjayn said...

Misel: in lah. ko pun stuju! tapi kaau ok bah... balance. ako huhu~ T_T

Gloria: bena ya. aku semua pun suka. hehe

Gnet: my waist/hips there below 29 la.. but the roundest part ho... hehe more than 30.. hampir-hampir mariah's eyes o mbe sudah pun sama. haha. shh.. secret ya :p

Mau: If you knew, do you think I would still have to blog abt it?
Sukati aku la. Kenapa mesti letak J-Lo?

mcjayn said...

Misel: pasal post kaau in baruk ko sehnget. bei la ko maca. eh, ateng kah mun maler bkemban nyin luk ayeng? bukan nyin makin tertekan kah? hehehe.. ako ngak khatam blog kaau keman sabei sebenarnya. hehe. ako stalk kaau paut ngak :p

Mad Maureen said...

Mel: tell me what they talked about.. Ala, because J-Lo's butt is more popular than Kim's. But the rationale behind your tindakan mbe is to mempopularkan Kim's butt so i setuju jaklah..

adlerhilary said...

ISk.. Wak yen g pun bak Complaint.. Wak no la my butt debei ayeng g J lo butt.. Jaan kan mun butt akeu ke jin.
HUHU.. wish it (haha)

Translation please ask mcjayn

adlerhilary said...

Mad Maureen- Dibuh bak gago cerita a lakei

Mel Malden said...

haha..yea rite..i hv guy friends like yours too..sometimes, they are talking about other girls,and tot that you are so open minded and wouldnt mind, but they forgot you a girl too..bongok juak..

haha..but i gotta admit..i love my sexy back too..haha..who so ever tease bout your 'eyes'..lantak la..flat-chested or big boobs? gnet's fren already ans that..hehe..

gula batu said...

mcm2 jak bahasa...
da dolok tym skul sorg mbiak laki tgur 'mata' m*** (takorg tau sapanya, nya jak sma skul ngn ku yg takorg knal)
mbiak ya : m***!phal 'mata' ko cam playwood?!
m*** senyum jak (yala nya kn jns aok jak) p nmpak la muka nya berubah..sian tau x..mybe sbb ya m*** sik pnah rapat ngan mbiak laki ya p mbiak ya rapat ngn ku la.pdhal ku pun playwood juak...tsk..tsk..

mcjayn said...

adlerhilary: bagus! aku sokong (utk reply kepada MadMaureen. Patut ngadan nyin tenukar nyadin GagoMau). Ish, kaau luk kabut J Lo? Gan kenak gak au. Eee.. Ako baruk diak g :p

gula batu: nya sorang jak ka yg mekorg kenal skolah ngan kawu? bukan ada juak laki sorg sama skolah ngan kawu dolok ka?

Mad Maureen said...

Adlerhilary: cheese!! ako watak utama yg dibincangkan a lakei wak dagen post ien, ako berhak bak taau bah.. hua3..

Mel: eh, yg menceritakan dlm blog pun dikira gago hoh.. hahah.. gagoMel..

MISELnamapendek said...

oh *flushing, not blushing anymore*
i feel like J-Lo buyak stalked. (J-Lo buyak ko peden ngadan nyin agak hot gak comment ih)

bout berkemban thing, i dunno, my male classmate told me that. siap tmbah gei "ya la mpuan rah umah panjang boobs besar"

Sometimes guys THINK they know more boobs than girls.

mcjayn said...

Exactly. But we never ACTed as though we know more about their penises than them. Guys. Kan suka berlagak superior? Heh.

Petite Amanda said...

hahahhahahahahahhah this post so funny la Melissa!! especially the conversation about the butt.. hahaha...